Over the years, I've read numerous books on the should and should nots of relationships, but recently have found myself realizing that there's something these books cannot teach. At some point, somebody in the friendship has to muster up the courage and take the risk of bringing it to the next level. While the idea of doing that with a friend may seem pretty daunting because of what can be lost if things go south, many make the choice to pursue a relationship with someone they already know because the chances of succeeding in this area of life are higher with a friend than a stranger. Why do I believe this? Well, there was this one time, when I asked a stranger at a coffee shop to watch my stuff while I went to the bathroom, and then upon returning sparked up a conversation. Eventually, I was exchanging contact info with a girl I just met, barely scratching the surface on who she was, and I ended up going on several dates with this person. The more I got to know this person in the context of dating, I didn't realize until later, that even though she was from a completely different culture, did not share the same faith, and had ambitions that I was not completely on board with, it did not prevent me from continuning to date her! See, the reason why I think it's important for me to share this story from my life is because deep inside, I'd like to believe that my mistake then was a result of lack of opportunity. I mean, seriously, what would have driven me to seek dating outside the church? Was it because a lot of the Adventist girls I came across at churches were too secular for me? Or was I afraid that if I asked someone out on a date people would immediately start spreading rumors about it? The more I got to know this person in the context of dating, I didn't realize until later, that even though she was from a completely different culture, did not share the same faith, and had ambitions that I was not completely on board with, it did not prevent me from continuning to date her! Whatever the reason may have been, you are most likely wondering (if you've made it this far), so what did you learn from that experience? I'm glad you asked. There were certain values in the areas of faith, culture, and career, which I stood behind and did not think I would compromise them under any circumstances. But what I learned from that relationship (with someone who differed on all three) is that instead of always praying for the right one to magically walk into your life, try asking God to shape and prepare you for the one you're looking for. I hope that makes sense, because the prayers we pray when we ask God for Mr/Ms right, honestly, oftentimes, sound selfish.
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AuthorAndrew S. Lee, MDiv Archives
June 2017
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